Date: Wed, 13 Nov 2002 09:38:13 -0500 From: To: rayner@anarres-worlds.org Subject: Devir Dear Rayner, I really enjoyed your story on Devir. I made a few comments in the attached file, but overall I think you did a great job. Let me know if you have any questions, or need more help. _________________________________________________________________ Add photos to your messages with MSN 8. Get 2 months FREE*. http://join.msn.com/?page=features/featuredemail [ Part 2, Application/MSWORD 28KB. ] [ Unable to print this part. ] [Cleaned-up output of 'strings "Devir Comments.doc" > devir-comments.txt'] Devir Comments: Paragraph 3 Devir was an early terraforming project s? Ok, at this point do we know who the Arrendis are, how they met humans, or why there s unrest between the races? Maybe in the first paragraph mention that many other civilizations have been encountered. Paragraph 4 Are the Arrendis just destroying what they find, or inhabitting the planets? If just destroying then how did the people on Devir survive notice? Paragraph 8 Hmm.. did the alliance reclaim this territory from the Arrendis after 500 years of trying, or was this a new push? Why did it take so long, I guess is the question that popped into my head. Also, maybe specify that Devir was part of the area newly freed.. Were they under the control of the Arrendis, or just hiding out? Ahh, complete isolation implies they were hiding out, but how did their ship escape notice, especially if it was damaged in the battle? Do the Arrendis not travel near the planet, or not know that it s habitable now? Maybe there was some sort of shield around it when Renzlaer UniTech was terraforming it? Or maybe the Arrendis just never came back after they destroyed everything in their path before.. or they were too busy fighting the Alliance to worry about the planets behind them.. Sorry, the imagination got started ;) Paragraph 10 The company is determined to recoup it s losses 500 years later? Especially after a series of mergers and so forth.. I m certain the current management would see the potential for huge returns in research, though, and human nature being what it is they would do whatever they could to make more and more money, so that part certainly makes sense. m very impressed, Rayner. What a great imagination you have. ( Date: Thu, 14 Nov 2002 01:53:26 +0000 (GMT) From: Rayner To: Subject: Re: Devir On Wed, 13 Nov 2002, you wrote: > > Dear Rayner, > > I really enjoyed your story on Devir. I made a few comments in the attached > file, but overall I think you did a great job. Let me know if you have any > questions, or need more help. Thanks for the comments. They were really useful. I've attached my first thoughts below (I'm afraid I have no easy way of re-encoding the text into a Word document now I've extracted it. Maybe I should get something that claims to read/write MS Office files). Rayner You wrote: > Paragraph 3 > Devir was an early terraforming project s? Ok, at this point do we > know who the Arrendis are, how they met humans, or why there s unrest > between the races? I had been taking this background for granted. Don't know how they met humans - perhaps this background is the subject for another document? As for the tensions, I'd been assuming they were a reasonable result of the meeting of two imperialistic cultures. But I'm not politically-minded, so I do appreciate others' ideas here. > Maybe in the first paragraph mention that many other civilizations > have been encountered. Probably a good idea. > Paragraph 4 > Are the Arrendis just destroying what they find, or inhabitting the > planets? If just destroying then how did the people on Devir survive > notice? According to the main mud theme, the Arrendis "[seek] to unite the galaxy under their rule and beliefs". So I guess they'll be governing conquered planets and possibly colonizing uninhabited ones. They don't seem to be into mindless destruction. I think the Arrendis assumed Devir was uninhabited. Maybe their scouts investigated the planet before the refugees' ship landed, or a couple of thousand stranded humans simply escaped their notice. Maybe the Arrendis didn't even notice Devir - space is pretty big. If the Arrendis did notice Devir, I guess I should think of a reason why they didn't find some use for it. Maybe Devir just didn't have any resources that interested them? Perhaps their main interest is in inhabited worlds? You actually touch on a related point. I'd rather not make the Arrendis into 2-dimensional, all-purpose evil bad guys. They have their own motivations and reasoning, which I'd like to explore in more detail at some point. Yes, there is conflict between the Arrendis and other races, but at some point I'd like to define what _their_ point of view is (this theme doc is naturally slanted towards the Human/Alliance viewpoint). > Paragraph 8 > Hmm.. did the alliance reclaim this territory from the Arrendis after > 500 years of trying, or was this a new push? Why did it take so long, > I guess is the question that popped into my head. I'm thinking that, at the time of the battle for Rydani, the human race didn't have the military power or the knowledge (of space combat or the Arrendis themselves) to mount a really effective defense against invasion. It would probably take decades or more to gain enough information to learn to fight them, and even longer to build up sufficient resources. The Arrendis are far more technologically advanced than humans and they already had a large empire by the time the human race first began exploring space. Liberating conquered worlds, especially in places where the Arrendis had already consolidated their position, would probably have to wait until the Alliance had been formed and had gained sufficient power (at least a couple of centuries later, I'd estimate). > Also, maybe specify that Devir was part of the area newly freed.. OK, fair enough. I thought it was pretty clearly implied, but no harm in stating it properly. > Were they under the control of the Arrendis, or just hiding out? > Ahh, complete isolation implies they were hiding out, but how did > their ship escape notice, especially if it was damaged in the battle? > Do the Arrendis not travel near the planet, or not know that it s > habitable now? Devir wasn't under Arrendis control, no. I was thinking a damaged civilian transport ship just wasn't worth chasing. > Maybe there was some sort of shield around it when Renzlaer UniTech > was terraforming it? Or maybe the Arrendis just never came back after > they destroyed everything in their path before.. or they were too busy > fighting the Alliance to worry about the planets behind them.. Sorry, > the imagination got started ;) All good ideas... I guess they just never came back to Devir, if they noticed it in the first place. Or if they did, they didn't notice the colonists (because there were too few of them, or their civilisation was too low-tech (relatively few energy emissions). > Paragraph 10 > The company is determined to recoup it s losses 500 years later? > Especially after a series of mergers and so forth.. I m certain the > current management would see the potential for huge returns in > research, though, and human nature being what it is they would do > whatever they could to make more and more money, so that part > certainly makes sense. Fair point. 500 years _is_ a long time. But certainly after reclaiming the planet as their own they would want to make as much money as possible off it. Maybe a minor rewrite of this bit or something. Does this seem reasonable, or are there any more problems you think might be raised by any of this? Rayner -- And now I see with eye serene The very pulse of the machine -- William Wordsworth From rayner@anarres-worlds.org Sat Nov 16 21:18:48 2002 Date: Sat, 16 Nov 2002 21:18:04 +0000 (GMT) From: Rayner To: Subject: Re: Devir Further to my original response, I've now reworked the theme doc slightly. It should be a bit more explanatory now. I've explained what I've done in relation to your points below. Rayner You wrote: > Paragraph 3 > Devir was an early terraforming project s? Ok, at this point do we > know who the Arrendis are, how they met humans, or why there s unrest > between the races? I'll probably deal with this in another document some time. I think it belongs in a more general account of human/arrendis history. > Maybe in the first paragraph mention that many other civilizations > have been encountered. Done. > Paragraph 4 > Are the Arrendis just destroying what they find, or inhabitting the > planets? If just destroying then how did the people on Devir survive > notice? Hinted at in paragraph 8. The modus operandi of Arrendis empire-building should probably be in a doc on Arrendis society. > Paragraph 8 > Hmm.. did the alliance reclaim this territory from the Arrendis after > 500 years of trying, or was this a new push? Why did it take so long, > I guess is the question that popped into my head. A new push, after centuries of building up enough power to do so. Hinted at rather more strongly now in paragraph 8. > Also, maybe specify that Devir was part of the area newly freed.. Done. > Were they under the control of the Arrendis, or just hiding out? > Ahh, complete isolation implies they were hiding out, but how did > their ship escape notice, especially if it was damaged in the battle? > Do the Arrendis not travel near the planet, or not know that it s > habitable now? One possibility is put forward in paragraph 8. Some of the vagueness is intentional, since there are several possible explanations. > Paragraph 10 > The company is determined to recoup it s losses 500 years later? > Especially after a series of mergers and so forth.. I m certain the > current management would see the potential for huge returns in > research, though, and human nature being what it is they would do > whatever they could to make more and more money, so that part > certainly makes sense. Slightly rewritten. Rayner -- And now I see with eye serene The very pulse of the machine -- William Wordsworth